(Hum a good old up-tempo country tune for this)
Verse 1
The year started high broke the joint in my jaw.
It's wired, pinned, and plated -- works now without flaw.
My working dog Callie, sweetheart born to please.
Collapsed. Had her put down with Wobbler's Disease.
Refrain
It's been quite a year lasted full twelve months long
And it feels like I've lived in a bad country song
"But you need a good train wreck" by buddies have said
Or you just sound like you're mostly dead.
Verse 2
All the family went down with a fearsome bad cold.
As it turned out the furnace was bloomin' with mold.
So we got sanitized -- all new duct work went in.
Cost us six thousand big ones. PLEASE shoot me my friend!
Verse 3
Daddy thinks things are dandy but he always did
Thinks a stroke is a secret that ought to be hid.
Mama's heart's a lot better... her memory's a loss.
She's mostly ticked off she's no longer The Boss.
Refrain
Verse 4
Last night Chuck sat down after twenty-eight years,
"I'm divorcing you gal. You're not shifting my gears.
"I think I stopped loving you five years ago.
"Maybe ten. Was it fifteen? I really don't know."
Verse 5
"I'm taking the pick-up. The CD's. The guns.
"And I hope we'll be friends when the paperwork's done."
With a wink and a smile he said, "I'm heading West.
"My heart's most sincere and I wish you the best."
Refrain
Verse 6
Now I live day by day on God's mercy and grace
Life is so slow, molasses is winning the race.
I'm not looking for much. Nothin' wise to proclaim.
So I'll sit here a while... and wait for my train.
Refrain
Yee-haw!